Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jeenan's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 9th, 2005
11:10 am	::sigh:: dear nate, i'm a little disappointed. love jan (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
9:43 am	i'm not really suppose to be doing this at work, but.... happy birthday to you! happy birthday day dear JooOOoOOoLIEeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy birthday to you <3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
4:22 pm	.i'm.bored. The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
5:41 pm	well obviously... how could have thunk overwise.... of course he has a girlfriend!!!! i feel like a "prize idiot" extra brownie points if anyone knows where that's from. i want to get some geeky goldfishies.. two so they don't get lonely.. 132006=universita di firenze,, i have my fingers crossed. .bored at work. <3 (Comment on this)
Monday, December 27th, 2004
4:35 am	damn. i've been staring at my celling for the past half an hour, and can't for the life of me fall asleep. i should just pop a half dozen tylenol PMs and close my eyes but there's a million things running through my head. ( WORD! bitches ) Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
10:29 am	i got a twenty-dollar bill. it looks like it's going to be one of those where it's just me, your favorite weapon, deja endentu, and what it is to burn. and i'm retreating into the bubble with jesse and nate, and hoping that it'll just all.go.away. i refuse to let you guys fucking ruin this for me, i can do that well on my own.sing me something soft sad and delicate or loud and out of key sing me anything.... and i know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic....i was afraid of being alone, now i'm afraid that it's how i like to be. i don't care what anyone says jack and coke is not my friends.. <3 Current Mood: crushed Current Music: mix tape (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 4th, 2004
5:54 pm	mother fucking WORD!!!!!!!!! <3             guitars are love brought to you by the isLove Generator that was funny. man o man. i was suppose to update about the show about a week ago and couldn't get myself to do it because i'm a lazy ass. the show was good. see phillip for set list, he's good at making those. and i can't remember all of them in the right order anyways. met some, well actually quite a lot of phillips friends,and ate at roscoe's. it was my first show at a big venue, and first show without tara =( but i did get to talk to her a bit, but then again i'm not much of cellphone talker so she got a bit of dead air from me.. =/ sorry tara. oh and bums were yelling at us.. and it was cold, but a great overall experiance. very long drive home myself, but sometimes i need that. it sucks that no one understands, and it's my fault. it sucks even more that it took me fucking 19 years to figure that out. it's cold and rainy outside, i hope it clears out by tomorrow. i hate christmas shopping especially when there's no list... sorry i should know what to get you but the second i'm at the mall i blank.. i suck at this. malls hate me too. apparently i haven't been shopping in the longest because there's a MAC store now. everywhere i go things aren't the same anymore and it's upseting sorta, not just the mall either.and yay the semester is almost over...just the next week and finals week and i don't have to go back to school until... january i think. Current Mood: cold Current Music: i'm not okay (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
12:42 am	hit me i can take your cheap shots please just give me a fucking cigarette or i will massive retaliation your ass! "i can't explain it and I don't know if it makes sense but it's like I have a hole and am looking for something to fill it. People can't fill this hole, they're too unpredictable and when they disappoint me the hole just grows" i'm so glad work and school is finally done with for the week, it's dragged on so long. and you'd think that it being thanksgiving and everything that i wouldn't be this stressed out still but whatever, i'll be fine dandy. it might be just me and the kiddos today if shit doesn't get better, just so sick and tired of it...it's a fucking joke, despite what the movies say. on a much lighter and happier note, i got to see my favoritest korean at ucla and ate there, traffic was worth it.my new friends frank is making geology a whole lot less shitier, thank goodness for that guy.AND today one of the tutors that uses our library brought us a paradise cake, which is my favorite and brenda let me take half of it home =)i left some for breakfast but someone doesn't know the damn concept of sharing and ate it all. I AM THE FAT KID THAT LOVES CAKE, but that's ok. boys night out have been keeping me calm and the new jimmy makes me want to fall in love and posing a safety hazard to other drivers because i zone out sometimes.but it's good times. is it really so bad to live in bubble? i mean really...all that bad shit, and stuff and people that remind you of that are just blocked out and you never have to think about them again.it's not like it's free of stress, just free of shit...and it's not like you're totally isolating yourself from everything, there's door, where you can come in and we can eat gummy bears or something, and watch that 70's show, i don't know sounds like a damn good idea if you ask me. oh.. everyone at work were dropping like flies, i swear the only healthy ones were me tish and paul, but i was hardcore disinfecting everything while paul was laughing at me. so you all need to wash your hands with scalding hot water after touching things that don't belong to you and carry a can of lysol in your pockets and purse. that was your public service annoucement. someone eat some ham for me today because i'm not getting any.. yellowcard on friday bitches!! </3 Current Mood: stressed Current Music: ..... slow dance on the inside (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 3rd, 2004
8:55 am	don't talk to me don't acknowledge me anymore i'm just another score!!! right now i feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I'm wasting it. I've been given this life and all I do is mope it away What's worst is I am totally aware of how ridiculous I am. It would be a lot more easier if I believed I was the center of the universe, because then I wouldn't know any better not to make a big deal out of everything. I know how small my problems are, yet that doesn't stop me from obessing about them. I have to stop doing this. How do other people get happy? I look at people laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves and try to get inside their heads. How do they do it? Or is it everyone but me? Why does everything i see bother me? why can't i just get over these daily wrong doings? why can't i just ove and make the best of what i've got? i wish i knew. 40 dollars for a bag of rocks is ridiculous. having to haul around about 15 pounds of rocks weekly for 7 weeks is even MORE ridiculous. first week of school = done! 15 more to go. saw nick and wes, and nicknapped nick from wes, and make sweet love to him... LoL NO.... save your angry letters and phone calls. dan, both andrews, jesse, adam , nate and chad are my loves because they tell me it's okay and they hurt sometimes too. has anyone heard the 'underwear outside the pants" song? it's hilarous... i could have sworn i've heard it on comedy centeral or something like that. if you know who it is and tell me, you win a special prize. honest. scouts honor =) Do.What.You.Do.To.Forget. that's so fin!. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
12:53 pm	i've always had a hunch the world hates me.... but today just confirms it. the classes i've had so far aren't too bad, i'm worried about the italian mostly but the teacher doesn't seem all like last semesters so maybe i'll be ok. of all the 50 million classes long beach offers who ends up being not in one.. but TWO of my classes one including a 3 hours lab? the girl that hates my guts. this is SO high school and i've personally never had a problem with her, because i just flat out don't know her. she walks into a pretty empty lab and where does she decied to sit, right across from me. yes, i know your pretty, and i know your skinny and just eveything i'm not, but please for fucking pete's sake, just ignore me like everyone else does, and stop making feel like a bigger loser piece of shit than i already feel like.. as you go through life you learn that, more than half the people you care for don't care for you back, and don't give a fuck about you. so what the point of waiting around and in my case, getting all bummed out and disappointed. you got to go out and do things for youself... easier said than done.. my heart is broken in gardana =( and i miss it. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
2:06 am	just fucking amazing...... my heart. NameTaken = <3 (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 26th, 2004
10:49 pm	how'd i'd love to try and live life.. "I believe in change, and I believe in second chances. We are young, we change, we go through phases, and no matter what, we cannot change the past, we cannot undo what is done.. We can deal with the present, and improve our future." here goes nothing..wish me luck. Current Mood: a-okay Current Music: it's love make it hurt (Comment on this)
Friday, August 20th, 2004
10:08 pm	stop the search party it's been found.... yes.. ladies and gentlemen i have found it, my heart..see if you love something and you let it go... wait in my case i lost it, AND i'm a frickin' idiot. enough said. i'm exicted and a half about next saturday, but i'm not excited about school starting up the following monday. this'll mean jack shit to almost all of you, but that's okay, it's something to me and it's a slow night, and doesn't look like it's getting better,so this'll keep me busy. "take what you want from me, and i think i can't feel anymore" "is this what we're fighting for? so why don't you tell me how it was too little too late" " i'm not with you, when you say, it won't mean a thing love" "this was never suppose to happen, no ones meant to know about us" "it sounds prettier in spainish" (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 14th, 2004
5:37 pm	so i'm bored again....what else is new... these last few days have been hawt.. especially in the granda/reseda area geez louise...hahah get it louise st.. anyways... maybe you don't, but that's okay.. i had a super rocking time yesterday, it was us jimmy jammas...greats times. with phillpiness and a a few 'hollarations' thrown in there what more could this jan ban ask for?.... maybe less claminess, but if i've learned anything, you can't win them all. i'll elaborate on this later. omg omg.. at tilly's in ventura, non other than the gorgeous andrew graced us with his prensence. and i hearts him oh-so-much. so hopefully with a few stops at ikea, target and other house stuff selling stores, and a few hours of handy dandy work, i can finally finsh up this bad boy that i hopefully, hopefully ::fingers crossed:: won't be living in too long, again with everything, we'll just have to see. i get to see cheeto and hopefully mikeeli, in a few hours, to take away the cat that's been like my best friend for the past few days. yay a familiar face from the south bay area, because everyone seems to be MIA for a while now... well i know where miss ko is but everyone else just packed up and disapeared on me...=/ speaking of mia.... name taken is mia.... ::cries in despair::.. that's like my heart right there...major crisis in play.. i'm sending out a search party. consisting of me so far wish me luck.. you know what i miss? compton ass-teri and the ambiguously gay duo... <3 Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: andrew (Comment on this)
12:01 am	damn... missed it by a minute.. newho.. to one of the awesomest dudes ever: happy birthday phillip!!!!!!!!!! (Comment on this)
Monday, August 9th, 2004
6:26 pm	why do i feel hungover??? i don't drink.. at least i don't remember drinking... i came home from work.. and fell asleep like a dead person, and just woke up.. and now i'll be sorta messed up for the week... and i think i slept too hard.. woke up aching.. =/ i had a dream that i was running away from i guess a mini grim reaper?...i was on campus but it didn't look like campus, and running up and down stairs..and was scared to death.. and all because i didn't confirm my classes which is dumb because in real life you don't have to do that...the last few dreams i remember i've been running away a lot and losing control of things like cars.. and i had a britney boa in one of them too..?? pretty darn weird. and people who i haven't seen in like a year literally... have been poping up in these dreams...what does it all mean!?!?! looks like i'll be up for hours on end... well i'm off like a dirty shirt.. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
3:52 pm	I am flower named misfiteddork ! I consist of my friends! Are you flower too? what does it mean, when it doesn't look like a flower ????=( (1 Comment |Comment on this)
3:28 pm	i loove him, and true love last forever..- emma thompson. it's been a while, and it's back to me and andrew again, i guess i've missed him... i have blue hand smurf from the excessive stamping i've done, it's an 8 hour work day today, and maybe the next few days, i'm thinking of taking on some more hours to kill time. while picking up, this is what i came across, you just can't make this crap up: " from the moment his rogue stallion mounted her virgin mare, Matt acknowledged a reality lovely widow Juliana Rains refused to admit: Some drives were too fierce, too powerful, to deny. .. like his love for the genteel widow whose sweet lips and delicious curves made him as uncontrollable as any wild stud" as nicole and paris would say, "that's hot!!" and that's what i'm in charge of. makes you just all want to come to the library huh? it's binge time!!! I still love the people,I've loved even if I have to cross the street to avoid them Current Mood: bored out of my mind Current Music: no matter how far i go, by heart remains with you (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
12:26 pm	.bored and hungry. Name Four Bad Habits You Have: 1. not looking you in the eye when i talk 2. bad posture 3. doing nothing when i'm nervous, scared, shit out of luck, or i've fucked up. 4. Name Four Things That You Wish You Had: 1. money 2. someone to love me 3. britney spear's abs. 4. Name Four Scents You Love: 1. out of the shower smell 2. clothes straight out of the dryer 3. boy perfume.... old spice? 4. love spell/ so pink Name Four People That Know You the Best: 1. not best.. but like semi-well.. this is sad... 2. 3. 4. Name Four Things You'd Never Wear: 1. leather 2. suade 3. mesh tops 4. the one shirt where it's ripped in the middle... whatever. Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now: 1. this fattie is very hungry. 2. i think i've started 19 years wrong, and i'm in too deep to fix it. so i'd like to restart. 3. where'd everyone go? 4. Name Four Things That You Have Done Today: 1. disappointed my mother. 2. read cosmo during my break 3. hipchecked about everything in this library 4. work Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought: 1. a buttload of gas. 2 a del taco burrito 3. parking 4. parking ticket Name Four People You Would Like To Spend More Time With: 1. phillip 2. linda ko 3. 4. Name The Last Four Worst Events That Have Happened To You: not really WORST but it sucked. 1. losing a friend, who no longer wants to be my friend, and not understanding why. 2. 3. 4. 5 Things you are wearing 1. rufio shirt 2 jeans 3. chucks 4. socks 5. underoos. 5 things you are doing right now 1. starving 2. waiting for work to end 3. sitting 4. semi-sulking 5. doing this 10 people who need to die 1. nobody really.. me maybe. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 1. What do you most like about your body?: um...i have small wrists? 2. And least?: the whole package?.. probably my feet 3. How many fillings do you have? zero! yay me. 4. Do you think you're good looking?: nope 5. Do other people often tell you that you that you're good looking?: when they're drunk =) 6. Do you look like any celebrities? james franco=) and the list goes on and on. 1. Do you wear a watch? nope, i might lose it. 2. How many coats and jackets do you own? not sure. 3. Favorite pants/skirt color? jeans 4. Most expensive item of clothing? ??? 1. Do your friends 'know' you?: um... ::shrugs:: 2. What do they tend to be like?: pretty awesome 3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked?: 4. How many people do you tell everything to?: maybe 3ish?.. then again i'm naive and trust almst anyone. 1. Favorite band ever?: there's so many, brand new..tbs. 2. Most listened to bands(lately): matchbook romance, fall out boy. 3. Do you find any musicians good-looking?: oh gosh yes.. 4. Can you play an instrument?: kinda sorta 5. Type of music never listened to?: not really... GENERAL QUESTIONS: 1. Are you a virgin?: yah, so what? 2. Do you drink/smoke?: nope 3. Do you have a boy/girl friend?: no one will have me.. LoL 4. Do you have a crush?: kinda 5. Does your crush like you:? not sure... we'll go with i hope 6. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?: sunny 7. Do you consider yourself lucky?: yes, and i should bitch about stupid stuff. 8. One word to describe how you feel most often: okay 9. One word to describe how you feel most as of lately: okay 10. One word to describe your actions: lacking. yay and i'm off work now.. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
7:53 pm	sometimes things just work that way.... "promise" came on the tv out of no where.. and made me very happy... there were about 5 episodes of reno in a row last night.... and benadryll, will forever knock me out no matter what.. it's little stupid things that make you forget for a split second how crappy things are..my brand new shirt came in the other day but it's a men's large...=/ i need to alter it. saw liz avila today at amc.... she says i still sound the same... the line at best buy was mondo long...i was bummed because i really wanted those cd's...=( tomorrow's another day. the weekend is always too damn short on my weekends off. shut up or i'll fight club your ass.. i think i'm a "debbie downer" and i make people around feel bad when they're around me, which explains this pushing away of people from me, and me away from them... i'm going to stop it, and keep shit to myself even more so.. i love napolian dynamite, and i so spelled that wrong. some lady sitting next to me got a little mad because i guess, she came to see it for a second time for the extra footage and i guess amc didn't show it or we had to wait. i don't know but she was complaining to me about it... i didnt' know what to do. ugh... everything's going to be okay, and even if it wasn't no one would know.. hey guess what? you can get 20 boxs of kraft mac & cheese for 10 dollars....,. guess whose going to albertsons? =) <333 Current Mood: a-okay (Comment on this)